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by Angelica Interlude:
Shared Secrets And Changes. And remember the smell of the fabric of your simple city dress (Jeff
Buckley: So real.) ----------------------------------------------------- I don’t
know maybe it’s just the change that kind of hurts. To lose you’re closest
friend and your not really losing him. It’s
kinda like your travelling down this road and you come at a fork, you have to choose
left or right. But whatever you chose something will change; you’re never that
same person again. I know I
never really lost him but in a way, yes I did. I remember
when some boy had dumped me and off course I got really depressed about it. He
stuffed me full with chocolate chip ice cream and watched silly videos with me
until our eyes were little boxes. I do love him to death; I’m just not sure of
what changed. Maybe it’s just some brain damage resulting from too much
caffeine in college. Still I’m afraid I lost that special friendship we shared,
no demands, duties or worries just the friendship. I’m afraid of the change in
my thoughts when he’s near. It isn’t even the age gap I’m worried about. Damn it
where was I when all this happened? Oh wait probably busy studying algebra or
something too horribly boring to notice. Me the mighty Son Pan afraid, I cant
even tell him how I really went Super. By the way I still say I look weird with
green eyes and gold hair. I just can’t tell because things will change again,
and I don’t like that, it’s always the subtle ones that always kind of
hurt. God it’s
for in the morning and I’m not sleeping. (Sigh) No I’m too busy discussing
things with myself. Tell or not tell, damned if I don’t and damned if I do. Hey
Goten has a magic eight ball in the kitchen. Since I so desperately have to be
awake I might as well get up. I know
Goten’s mind it has to be in here. Ah
yes right behind the eeeeeeeeew six weeks old half eaten sandwich. Ok you piece
of crap, it time to prove your worth in this world. Now the bloody thing is in
my hands…. damn it I don’t want to fuck this up. Yes I did have a crush on him
when I was sixteen, me being the raging ball of developing hormones, and he the
incredibly sexy best friend. Bad thoughts bad thoughts. Time got me over that
one fast enough. I love our friendship thank you very much. We did get some
strange looks though, a friendship between a wacky fourteen year old and a
twenty eight year old owning practically three quarters of the world seemed to
be something….unexpected. (Giggle) and then picture this, when I was still a
horribly cute toddler I even managed to play house on occasion with Goten and
Trunks (snicker). Anyway
focus, uhoh the magic eight says yes. I can’t believe it I’m a grown woman and
making important decisions with a magic ball. That’s another mental picture I
did not want to have. (Sigh)
Lets see if I can wake the big lug up without levelling half the city. And I
still can’t believe I’m doing this. Pan turned
around muttering to herself ‘I have to tell him, I have to’ If she has been
paying any attention she would have seen the large purple haired male leaning
against the doorway with a curious expression on his face. ‘Tell me
what?’ Pan’s form froze in terror. A hot blush crept up her face as Trunks
regarded her with a certain amused curiosity. ‘What’s with the eight ball?’.
Pan felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Finally she dared to
move and put the ball down. She took a deep breath and answered ‘Since my
conscience has chosen this early in the morning to prove it exists, (another
deep breath) Ihavetotelllyousomethingimportant.’ She choked out and dragged him
deeper into the kitchen. Plopping herself down on the kitchen table she dared
to look at him again. Now his
amused curiosity had been replaced with a really nosy expression. ‘Well?’ he asked.
Pan took another deep breath. ‘This is hard for me Trunks; wait could you
please do this for me? Just let me say this, Promise me you wont laugh ok?’ ‘Hey Panny
you know I wouldn’t ever laugh at you. What’s wrong.’ By now he sounded
genuinely concerned. Pan smiled meekly and started, ‘ I’m
scared Trunks…. Things changed and I’m not sure if it will work out. I mean
what I want to tell you I’m not the same brat anymore. I’m scared of what’s
going to happen, I’m scared of change.. I…..I am afraid of losing you…our
friendship. No please I’m not finished yet. You know.. I haven’t been telling
the complete truth lately. I think dad suspects it, but I couldn’t tell him.
Damn it Boxer boy, I couldn’t tell him how I really went Super. Please don’t
freak out, please don’t freak out. (Deep breath) When I was in college, I was
at the gym training at one night. Stupidly enough I forgot the time and I was
one of the last people there, and some guy tried to.. Rape
me. No no but that’s
when it happened I got so angry that I could kill him and I damn near did. I
was so angry I could have killed anyone in sight. I scared even myself.’ She opened
her eyes again and found herself being hugged by Trunks. She smiled sadly as
she looked in his face ‘you know I am not even finished sharing my secrets yet.
No don’t speak I don’t want to change my mind again. Trunks (deep breath) what
scares me to death is that something changed inside of me, I mean…Kami I sound
like some disturbed teen. (Deep breath) I had a crush on you when I was young,
but I think it came back.’ She didn’t even wait for a reaction, Pan freed
herself and crawled back into her sleeping bag, leaving a quite surprised man
in the kitchen. Trunks
stared at her, the speech still sinking in. He didn’t know if he should be
angry at her for keeping …it a secret or glad that she trusted him enough to
lay her soul out for him. His mind still reeled at the consequences this could
have. Pan likes me, she likes me… oh Kami please let this be real. But I’m no good for her, oh my god what am I going to do. She’s a woman for Kami’s sake. A damned attractive one at that. (Sigh) I’m thirty-six at a sleepover with my best friends, one whose fourteen years younger and whom I happen to be head over heals for. Oh yeah life’s just peachy. Yawning he
made his way to the living room. He had to suppress a giggle when he saw his
long time friend still sleeping as a baby, with the blanket covering his face
instead of his feet. Carefully
he lowered himself back on his mattress. He really couldn’t help but stare at
her. She is
so beautiful. He
propped his head on hi elbow. Pan hugged
her pillow, as she sensed him coming back and laying down. Her stomach felt
like it dropped to her feet, she didn’t know why but suddenly everything overwhelmed
her. Turning around again she found herself staring in his eyes. She whispered:
‘Trunks. Could you please just hold me’. They held
on to each other for dear life, Trunks murmuring softly that whatever happened
they would figure it out together and Pan just holding on. |